


Dancing with the Wind

by spagetticannon



Category: The 100 (TV), The 100 Series - Kass Morgan
Genre: F/M, The 100 (TV) Season 4
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-15
Updated: 2020-11-11
Packaged: 2021-03-08 20:55:07
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 9,610
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27033034
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/spagetticannon/pseuds/spagetticannon
Summary: "I can't do this anymore" she spoke strongly, pushing past the fear that screamed in her mind.Bellamy turned to her, confusion residing in his features."What do you mean we are-" he said before he was cut off."Not the mission" she paused. Clarke took a deep breath, summoning all the courage that filtered through her heart. "This" she spoke softly "You and me, whatever this is, I can't do it any longer"----Bellamy and Clarke start to sleep in the same bed after nightmares start fill there minds but Clarke isn't sure she is able to keep her love for him a secret.
Relationships: Bellamy Blake/Clarke Griffin
Comments: 40
Kudos: 117





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I have only written one chapter so far but Im not sure I will carry on. The inspiration came from the summary that popped into my head when I was doing some College work so It isn't actually part of the story just yet but if you guys like it let me know and I will write another chapter and add it in! I hope the summary isn't tricking you or anything ha!

The air was warm, thick, heat radiated from the ground, through Clarke bare feet until it was too radiating from her pale soft skin. She inhaled deeply, allowing that same hot air to fill her lungs. She closed her eyes, imagining the infinite space between where she stood now and the problems that lay waiting for her when she returned to Arkadia. In her mind the field she stood in seem to travel for miles beyond the rolling hills, beyond the deep blue sky that was scattered with the stars she used to call her home. The wide-open space filled her heart with a sense of safety and freedom that seem to always be dancing against her fingertips, just out of her tender grasp. 

A gently breeze filtered through her hair, pulling it from behind her ears and allowing it to dance across her features. At this she opened her eyes, like the wind was welcoming her back to reality. She stood in a field, not surrounded by rolling hills, but old, towering trees filled leaves of paradise green. A small smile graced her lips as the comforting sound of the leaves brushing against one another filled her ears. It was peaceful, she thought to herself. Maybe one of the only times she had felt peace in what seemed like eternity. 

The wind continued its journey across her body, flying under her shirt, falling across her skin and sending welcome shivers through her body. She never wanted this moment to end. Everything seemed clearer somehow, like the impending destruction of their home had simply floated from her mind. She started to spin with the wind, her arms out stretch filling the space around her and, as she picked up speed and her hair covered her eyes once more, did a sweet laugh tumble from her lips. It was a surprising sound that was welcomed a long side the pure joy that now beat within her heart. 

This moment of happiness was cut short, like they all seem to do when on earth, forever fleeting in reality. Bellamys voice flickered though the trees, calling out her name sharply, like his hope was faltering. Her spin had come to a sudden stop when she heard his voice, her eyes scanning the tree line for his olive skin, and curly brown hair. She could not see him however, the trees stood in protection against the responsibilities of her reality. 

His voice echoed again, this time closer and it wasn’t long until her emerged from the tree line, 50 metres away from her, their eyes catching for a moment. He looked around in wonderment at the small piece of paradise that he found himself in, his eyes gazing upon the trees that stood strong against the battling wind, then flicking to the night sky illuminated with small flecks of light, before they returned to her own. 

“Talking a walk in the wood princess?” he shouted over the leave whose chatter, even though still loud, had died down since his arrival.

His smile, even from where she was standing, shinned brighter than the night sky they both stood beneath. 

“You know me” she replied, mirroring his smile with her own.

He laughed lightly, shaking his head. 

“Yeah I do” he spoke. 

Silence followed as both stood on opposite sides of the field. The wind had vanished almost completely now, with the last gust tracing her skin, almost as a goodbye, a bittersweet one. Even though her moment of beautiful joy lasted less than a minute, she was now greeted with another. With Bellamy here she felt as if she was floating up towards that beautiful sky, his mere presence filling her lungs with ecstasy. 

She was in love with him, in what way she wasn’t too sure, but she loved him all the same. She had realised a month ago. She was surrounded by chaos, each second the weight of the world fell heavier on her shoulders and there he was, sleeping softly on her couch. The sound of his breath gently being released from his chest reassured her she was not alone and, as she looked down on him, writing the list of those would survive the end of the world, she realised that as long she had him, she never would be. After that, when the bright blue sky turned to black and the nightmares came alive, they would lay together; Both falling asleep in the safely of each other’s embrace and, although her love for him occupied every vacant space in her mind she knew the worlds would never grace her lips.

Recently, however, their restful nights tangled together in peace were becoming too hard for Clarke to manage. She longed for something more but in the shadow to destruction she didn’t want to risk hurting him by stopping what they had, what they both needed, the escapism from the end of the world they both shared together. She had started to come out to the woods, just for a little while, running from the inevitability of who they had become and who she wanted them to be. The step was so small, but it seemed as if a mile long. 

“I was worried about you” he spoke softly, taking a single step towards her, still a mountain of space between them. “I went to you room and you weren’t there. I figure you were in the med bay, but you weren’t there either.” His voice sounded as if he was apologising somehow, like he was a burden to her. 

“I’m sorry” she replied, matching his apologetic tone of voice, also taking a small step towards him “I just…” she paused for a moment, turning all the possible answer to why she was out at two in the morning dancing with the wind. “I just had to get away” she finished simply, for what other truth was there? That she was running from all the love and safety he gives her because she selfishly wants something more? How would she begin to form the words to make that sound alright?

“From what?” he asked her, pulling her back from the thoughts filling her mind.

“Hmm?” she replied quietly. She wasn’t sure he heard her, the distance between them being so big, but soon enough her started to walk towards her, no longer stopping at one step but continuing on.

“What were you trying to get away from?” he asked, his now beautiful brown eyes coming in to focus and, when Clarke didn’t answer, he added something else. “From me?”

He now stood right in front of her, meeting her in the middle of the field they found themselves in. There was something about his eyes that made Clarkes mind plead for those three words to tumble from her lips, they were soft and, when the light from the sky caught them just right, Clarke could have sworn he had been crying. She raised her hand, her fingertips gently dancing across his cheeks, still slightly damp from his tears. She longed to tell him, but was now really the time she thought to herself? In the middle of a field at two in the morning?

“No” she put simply, looking him in the eye “Never you” she whispered, for she knew she would never truly loose Bellamy Blake. Maybe loose him as they are now, two broken souls tangled in love and loss fighting the darkness that surrounded their world, but she would always be with him. Friends, lovers, something even greater, he would always be by her side. He would always be the light guiding her through.

“Why are you out here at two in the morning then?” he asked, his voice still plagued with guilt.

Her hand dropped from his cheek and landed on his chest. Her hand traced the skin where his heart lived and her fingertips could feel its gentle, if not slight rapid, beats. Her eyes flicked down from his own and focus on where her fingers lay, and the love that lived beneath them.

“You were on the late shift and I didn’t want to fall asleep alone” she whispered, so quietly it was if she wanted no one else to hear.

“I get that” he replied, bringing his hands up, rubbing them up and down the tops of her arms. She returned her gaze to his, the realisation dawning on her.

“You had a nightmare” she said with no uncertainly living within her words.

He simply nodded his head for what else could be said that would alter that fact?

“I’m sorry I wasn’t there” she said, tear threating to fall from her eyes with a sudden wave of guilt.

His eyebrows knotted at her words, and he pulled into his chest and now, with her ear to it, she could hear his heart sing its own beautiful love song. One of his hands lay to the crook of her back, the other gently caressing her hair. Clarke linked her hand behind his own back, pulling him closer to her.

“Hey, it’s alright” he said, pausing for a moment “I guess we are even” he joked.

A small belated laugh escaped her lips onto his chest.

“Yeah I guess” she replied.

They stood in that open field for what seemed like an eternity, wrapped in each other’s warmth. The only sounds Clarke could be heard were the odd bird singing in the trees, and Bellamy southing heartbeat in her ear. Clarke never felt more at peace, never wanting this moment to end. She thought back to the feeling of dancing with the wind, never feeling more free, but now, standing in Bellamys embrace, she realised that freedom, true freedom, isn’t about being alone, its about being with someone you trust; its about being with someone to you love with every breath that you take.

“We better getting back” Bellamy spoke, startling her slightly “I think I’m falling asleep just standing here”

They pulled apart slowly, as if they were savouring every touch of their skin. Not even after a few moments, Clarke missed his presence, the coldness of the night creeping up on her sending shivers through her body.

“Here” he said, taking his jacket off and draping it around her shoulders. Normally she would protest but the sweet sent that greeted her warmed her soul more than any jacket could. It was his sent that smelt of oil and gun powered and, for some reason, lemons that filled her veins with heat. He took her hand in his and started to walk back to the world she had ran away from. 

“Can I ask you a question” he said, not turning to look at her but off towards the tree line that would soon engulf them.

“Always” she said, her voice making him turn to look at her, smiling for a moment before speaking. 

“Why aren’t you wearing any shoes?” he asked, not being able to hold in his laugher and it wasn’t long until she joined in, filling the silence, fusing together with the birds in the trees.

The walk was about 30 minutes and each was filled with Bellamy’s questions and funny story’s and with each step they took towards the darkness she so longed to flee from, Clarke wondered how long she would be able to hold it in; She wondered how long she would be able to last without telling the man beside her, his sent filling her lungs and his warmth making her feel more safe than she was sure she would ever feel again, how her love for him consumed her. That loving him, in a world filled with death and war, was the only thing that truly made any sense.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The Second Chapter guys! I hope you enjoy it! Wanted to say thank you for reading this story! It make me feel so much better writing stuff that people actually want to read so thank you!

Clarke stood in Becca’s Lab, the bright florescent lights flooding the room making her skin a grey colour. She wondered if it was the lights making her skin look as if ice, or the radiation that filtering its way through the air that she breathed, each breath more dangerous than the last.

While Raven was hard at work, like she always seemed to be, just below her, Clarke was getting ready to head off for the Satellite tower. Months of planning and fighting for each beat of her heart this was Clarkes final task; One last thing to do for her people. Of course, like all of the other decisions she had made, she was not alone on her adventure towards what could be death herself, for Bellamy would be by her side, shining the way.

After returning to Arkadia, from her adventure into paradise, Clarke had tried to confess to him the longing that resided within her soul. The longing that only grew greater with every wandering touch, and restful nights; The longing that, even though pulled pain into her heart, filled her veins with a sense of gratitude. When she was young, her mother would tell her stories; stories of people who fell in love and lived for that love. Her mind wondered, as all children do, to her future and who she would share it with. Against all she learned from those fairy tales from the ark, a little part of Clarkes soul believed that she would never feel that passion that consumed people; A little part of her believed that she would never feel that love, that hunger, that lit fires in souls and made people risk life and limb for another. Until him; until Bellamy.

Lately, however, that all-consuming love, the romance that surrounded that notion in her mind, was plague by the unrequited nature of it. Every soft touch of his skin to hers, even though unknowing to him, made her chest ache, as if it was longing for something more; Every touch was as if only half traced, teasing Clarke’s heart.

She closed her eyes, imagining him standing in front of her, a smirk plastered across his lips as it always seems to do, making her soul scream. She scanned his features, a curtain of thick black lashes covering his deep brown eyes that, when the light hit them just right, looked almost Hazel, like unbaked Clay. His light olive skin laying beneath a blanket of freckles, like constellation laying in the night sky. Her eyes glanced to his lip, soft, red almost. She longed to feel them against her own. She imagined the taste of mint that linger on them from his toothpaste, or the taste of chocolate from the last time he stole some from the Canteen in Arkadia. He always had time to bring some with him, absentmindedly leaving some on her bedside table after one of their nights spent in one another’s warmth.

Every memory on the ground, good and bad, she could link to his beautiful brown eyes or scattered skin. Even the wind, dancing with it under the stars, made her mind think back to being held in his arms, his strength keeping her safe from the crushing reality of their time on the ground. The sun shining in his eyes, the rain washing over his skin, everything rooted itself in him. Her life, as she has come to know it on earth, was rooted to Bellamy Blake.

“Clarke?” a voice reached out to her gently.

Her eyes fluttered open and there his was, his eyes plagued with worry looking back at her. A smile brought itself on to hers lips as it felt like the dreams that coloured her mind with sound, had suddenly become reality before her eyes sending a warm sensation through every inch of her tried body, giving it a new lease on life, however fleeting it maybe.

“Are you alright?” Bellamy spoke once again, soft, like his words were written in the clouds.

Telling him in this moment would be so simple, Clarke began to wonder. Nothing was truly holding her back but the fear that grew with the beat of her heart and the air in her lungs that once those three words tumble out from her mind that he would no longer be her Bellamy; That once he knew the unconditional love that presided within her heart for him, little by little, moment by moment, they would drift apart like shattered pieces of a sinking ship.

Of course, there was the other option, the one that always flickered in her mind no matter how hard she tried to convince herself that it didn’t exist. That once he knew how she lived for him, he would confess the same, pulling her into his chest and placing his soft lips to hers, letting the world simply melt away. She pushed both thoughts further into her mind, wanting to live in this reality, in his euphoria for a little longer.

“I’m fine” she whispered, fighting against the sadness the lived just behind them words, in the silence between them.

He simply nodded, knowing that she wasn’t telling him everything, but giving her space to find the words to. Clarke could see it behind his eyes. The longing to question her about it, about the fraction of distance she had placed between their beating hearts, but he fought against it. Waiting for her seemed like the right choice for Bellamy, but it only made Clarke fixate on that word, the word that made her love for him more painful that death herself; Unrequited.

“Are you ready to go? We have about an hour so which should give us about 20 minutes of wiggle room” he said passing her hazmat helmet to her.

“Yeah let’s go” Clarke replied, trying to place the helmet over her head, but getting the back caught on her suit. She gave it a few tries, wiggling it around slightly in her hands but ultimately coming up short. Her eyes flickered to Bellamy but when they met, he was already staring at her. His eyes were filled with something Clarke couldn’t quite put her finger on, a mixture of emotions that caused a wave of sadness to crash over her suddenly. Her breath caught on her throat. Their eyes kept fixed for a moment, like both were searching for answer to questions unspoken. A smile creeped on his lips, expelling the sadness from Clarke chest as quickly as it had arrived.

“Here, let me” he said, taking a step towards her, fixing her helmet.

Their eyes locked once more and for a moment, the space between them was meaningless. His hazel eyes gave her a longing gaze, pulling her closer to him. For an instance, it was they were the only people on earth, that everyone else had simply melted away. Heat radiated off them in waves; Tension rising with each passing moment. His eyes were scanning hers, quickly flicking between one clear blue ocean to the other as if he was trying to read her thoughts, attempting to find answers to the questions that plagued his daydreams. His lips opened briefly, longing to let his mind wander free but only silence remained and instead he shook his head, like expelling those travelling thoughts from inside his brain, breaking their gaze.

“We should get going” he spoke, after what seemed like an eternity, staring down to his boots.

Clarke replied with a nod. Bellamy stepped to the side, allowing Clarke to pass in front of him and, as she did, he place a small hand on the small of her back, guiding her through. Normally Clarke would welcome this touch, his wandering hands giving her the connection she so longer for from him but today, for some reason, it felt as if ice spread across her pale skin. She wanted to recoil away from his fingertips, but she fought against the urge, not wanting him to push harder against that open wound that lay on her heart.

Another part of her, leant into it, into the pain, wondering when she may feel his soft touch again. Feeling something, even a thing that made Clarkes heart briefly spread with agony, was something that she had to take with her. Loving Bellamy, however unrequited, would forever make her soul sing. She looked to him, not an ounce of hate within his beautiful eyes, and Clarke knew that the pain, however strong, however fleeting, was nothing compare to love that lived for the man beside her. Love is always stronger than hate, than pain, and, she supposed, had the ability to make the small things, like a soft breeze or a falling raindrop, into something so much greater.

* * *

Even through her helmet, Clarke could feel the cold wind sitting on his cheeks, making them turn a burnt red colour, her nose doing the same. After all her time on the ground, Clarke had never felt this sort of weather. Even in ice nation, the air always seemed to have an element of warmth around it, inviting her closer to it. Now however, Primfaya pushed everything to the extreme making that once warm inviting winter breeze, into something that made Clarke want to curled up in a ball on the floor, clinging to what little warmth was left under her skin.

They had been walking for about 10 minutes, comfortable silence filling the air around them both. They walked shoulder to shoulder and, every now and again their hands could graze each other, neither one pulling away to stop it. Clarke enjoy the silence, welcoming it, as it allowed her to embrace her last few moments on earth before returning to her life before it. She gazed up to the trees, listening to the brisling sound of the leaves dancing with one another. She would miss it, she thought. The fresh air, the open space, the rain and even though they had only been here for a few months, it felt more like home that the ark ever did.

She glanced to the man beside her and wonder if that was because of him. His sweet smile making the pain and loss, making life on earth, that little bit more barrable. She thought so, knowing that she would have given up a long time ago without him. He was everything she longed to be; Caring, considerate, brave, strong. Always putting other first; Always putting her first.

Suddenly Clarkes feet felt as if her feet had turned to stone, stopping in their track unable to lift themselves from the ground. Bellamy took a few more steps before realising she was no longer by his side. He turned to look at her, Confusion on features, worry in his eyes.

He deserved to know the truth, Clarke thought to herself. After everything they had gone through together, every argument and indecision, the one thing they always were, were honest. No secrets stood between them but one; The biggest one of all. Her eyes flickered to his, taking them one more time before she spoke, longing to remember them until her last breath escaped her lips. She inhaled, pulling all the courage she could find and possessed herself to let her heart sing free.

"I can't do this anymore" she spoke strongly, pushing past the fear that screamed in her mind.

Bellamy stood in front of her confusion still residing in his features.

"What do you mean we are-" he said before he was cut off.

"Not the mission" she paused. Clarke took another deep breath, summoning all the courage that filtered through her heart. "This" she spoke softly "You and me, whatever this is, I can't do it any longer"

All he did was look at her for a moment, his full body now turning to face hers. It was almost as if his words had rutted his feet to the floor and, no matter how much his heart desired, they would not run towards her.

“Clarke…” he said, almost as a whisper, like it was floating off his lips in a small vacant breath.

“I love you Bellamy” she spoke, tears now starting to race their way down her cheeks.

“and I love you Clarke, you are my family” he spoke strongly, justifying his silence with a fact he knew to be true as much as his own name.

“No Bellamy, Not the way I want to be loved” she spoke, exhaustion on her lips. “I’m IN love with you and- “she paused for a moment, filtering though the thoughts in her mind to explain this to him. She drew a deep breath and looked at him in his beautiful hazel eyes that set her soul alight. “and it hurts. All the time. Every second of every day. I look at you and-“ she takes another brief pause” and its like my whole world just stops, that nothing else matters as long as you are there, that you are safe and it hurts-“ she pauses once more, a sob now escaping her lips. “it hurts knowing that you don’t feel the same”

Bellamys face twists into that same unrecognisable emotion that Clarke saw in Becca’s lab.

“You have no Idea how I feel” he says, now taking steps towards her. His voice is steady, disbelief falling on every word, every breath between them, almost as if something great had just dawned on him, the pieces of the puzzle suddenly falling into place.

“No, I don’t” she replies her voice soft, like she is carefully stepping on ice, making sure it’s safe, putting it all on the fine line that separates who they are, and who she needs them to be.

“What do you want me to say Clarke?” he whispers, his voice soft and deep. Tension is rising with each passing second. They are inch’s away from each other now, eyes locked once more.

“I want you to say-“ but she stops herself mid-sentence. Both simply look at each other, the unspoken words from Clarke lips lay silence between them, for they both understand what she had wanted. “You know what I want you to say Bellamy” she whispered, sadness and exhaustion falling on her lips, escaping through her eyes.

“Clarke…” Bellamy spoke like it was the most beautiful word in the world. His eyes flickered between hers once more, a smile bring itself onto his lips. He then traced the rest of her face, taking in her beauty for a moment, before return to those crystal clear eyes that resided perfectly in the middle of her face and just as his lips opened did something slice through the tension that they surrounded themselves in.

A scream rang out through the woods, both their heads spinning towards it and, with just a simple glance from one another, they both took off towards it, leaving all that was unspoken, in that small piece of earth.

Not long after they had started in the direction of the scream, did they run into Murphy who had a frantic look in his eyes. Between his belated breaths be tried to speak.

“It’s Monty! He’s hurt! I need help please!”. He spoke quick, making Clarkes heart speed up, anxiety building with every moment.

She knew what to do of course. It was an impossible choice but one that had to be made. She would have to let him go, both in the sense of him leaving with Murphy but almost the hold he has on her heart. Separating now meant it may be the last time their eyes connect, their skin touches, their words filter though each other’s silence. 

They both turned to look at each other, their gaze spelling a thousand words. He knew what she was thinking, and before the word tumble from her lips, he began to shake it head.

“No” he spoke strongly, like he believes in this more than anything in his life.

“I’ll go to the satellite and you go and help murphy” she ordered, ignoring the ache in her chest and the looking his eyes.

“Clarke no! I’m not leaving you when the end of the world is less than an hour away” he argued

“Bellamy! This is it! After every impossible choice we have made together this is the last one! We don’t have time to argue!” she shouted back at him, harsher than she wanted what could be their last conversation to be “this is our only choice!” she added, her voice now soft and low, as if she only wanted him to hear.

They simple stared at each other from a moment, taking each other in before Bellamy nodded. She returned it, and after a few more seconds getting lost in his hazel eyes, Clarke turned to leave, fighting against every urge in her heart, body and soul.

“Clarke wait!” Bellamy shouted suddenly and Clarke span around.

“Bellamy, I have this, go!” she reassured him.

“No, I was just going to say” He paused. She could see the words forming behind his eyes, longing to escape from his chapped lips. He didn’t need to say it, His eyes spoke the words for him expressive as ever. He could never hide anything behind those brown eyes that reminded her of the forests that surrounded earth. Clarke knew how he felt, a little part of her always knew, but she didn’t truly want to hear it like this. Hearing those three words fall from his mouth right now would mean that it was over, that this moment in time would be their last, that saying it would somehow confirm that once they turn around, running towards something, away from each other, they wouldn’t meet again. She believed that, somehow, he read her thoughts, or saw it through her eyes as he gave her a light nod, a longing look that expressed more than those words three simple words could manage.

“Hurry” was all he said, an ‘I love you’ in itself. A Promise, Clarke thought, for the future, for them to once again be consumed by each other’s warmth.

Even with the seconds flickering by, Clarke strode up to Bellamy, her feet taking her where her heart longed to be. She wrapped her small arms around his neck, pulling his chest to hers. It wasn’t long before he did the same, wrapping his arms around her waist. It was a quick hug, filled with as much love as one that lasted a hundred years and, just as she was about to pull away, she whispers a reply in his ear.

“You too” she said softly, tears threating to running down her cheeks.

They pulled away, taking in one another for a few seconds more, before turning their backs to each other, pulling their bleeding hearts away. As Clarke started towards the tower, Bellamys last words floated around in her mind. She wished for more time with him, in his arms. She wished she had told him sooner, not waiting for the end the world to set her heart free but nothing, no amount of wishing on shooting stars would change that.

Although he was no longer by her side, she could still feel his longing gaze burning her skin, willing her on and, even though they raced against that same fate, miles away from each other, each step falling further away from him, Clarke felt as if she was running towards him; She was no longer facing this world full of loss and pain alone. She had found herself in one of those fairy tales from the ark, consumed by the love for another and, as the end of the world ticking ever closer, it felt to Clarke as if her world could just be beginning. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IM SORRY! I'm not 100% sure about the ending! I couldn't seem to find the right words? I seems like its unfinished sort of so it may be changed later on but hope you enjoyed it anyway! As always I love reading you comments and thoughts on the story!


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SORRY THAT THIS IS A LITTLE LATE! I REALLY HOPE YOU ENJOY IT!!! THIS WAS GOING TO BE THE LAST CHAPTER BUT I AM GOING TO MAKE ONE MORE!!! HOPE YOU LIKE IT!!! Also who can find the smiths lyrics in there? One of my absolute favourite songs!!!

“She’s not going to make it Bellamy” Raven whispered to him.

The world around him started to fall into a forgotten haze as those words fell from Raven Lips. His heart beat loudly in his ears, sending pain with it through his body. He stood still, like the trees that were scattered around earth that soon would turn to ash, looking up towards the door to them. Waiting for her blonde hair to tumble through them, to hear her voice echoing through the space between filling his mind with sound and allowing his heart to beat with love once more. With each fleeting moment, however, it started to dawn on him that those moments many never come to light; His last memory of her shinning blonde hair would be it turning away from him, never truly understand how much his soul was linked to her, how much his love for consumed him, how his world, without her in it, was not one that he wanted to live.

“Bellamy, we have to go” Raven spoke again, softly, trying to gently pull him back into the reality, however painful that may be. 

His ripped his arm out of her gently grasp, turning to look at her deep brown eyes.

“I can’t leave without her, Raven!” he shouted, pleaded. He was exhausted. Every passing second from when he tore his eyes away from Clarke a pressure had been building in his chest. Unable to find out if she was alright plague every thought in his mind and when they return to Becca’s lab and she was still out there, alone, Bellamy felt like he could be crushed at any moment, like a bug under a boot. “Please just a few more minutes” he whispered, fatigue hugging each soft word.

She simply looked at him, her heart breaking at the sight of his doing the same. She had never know him like this, this vulnerable, this fragile. She was longing to give him more time, to wait for Clarke, to let him come to the decision to leave on his own but she had no more seconds to give. Every inch of her beating heart and shattered soul screamed at her to wait for her friend, she wanted nothing more than to leave this hell with Clarke sitting beside her, leading them as she always did, but she knew that it was impossible; She knew, that Clarke wouldn’t want them to die waiting for her, and, deep down, she believe Bellamy knew that as well.

She turned to look at Murphy and she gave him a slight nod. His eyes were filled with the same pain and indecision that filtered through her own, but he understood that they needed to leave, not matter how hard it was, they had to be strong for Clarke. Looking to Bellamy for a moment, Murphy realise that their strength was needed so the Bellamy could be weak; They needed to be strong so he wouldn’t bottle things up like he seemed to do whenever Clarke was not by his side. It had happened when she left after mount weather. Bellamy running into danger to save her even after months of grief and anger. All he needed was to see her face, for her to be safe to allow him let all that go but now, releasing that this time would be the end to their story, Bellamy was breaking at the seams, as if the very ground beneath his feet was crumbling.

Murphy looked back towards Raven returning her nod, before turning to the broken man before him. As he took a small gently step towards his friend, Bellamys eyes started to dart from Raven, back to Murphy, understanding what was about to happen; He was going to ripped from earth, from his home, from Clarke, not matter how much he fought against it.

“I’m sorry Bellamy” Raven spoke, sobs escaping on her words.

“No” he said to her “Please Raven I-” he paused for a moment “I need her”

“Bellamy this is what Clarke would have wanted” she replied trying to hold her emotions in her chest.

“You don’t know that!” he screamed, pushing Murphy away from him, tearing running down his face.

“Yes. I do” Raven spoke softly, taking a step towards him “I know Clarke has risk everything so that we are standing here right now. I know that everything she has done, every decision she has made was to keep us all safe.” She paused for a moment, taking a few steps towards him “To keep you safe most of all” Bellamy looked up to her, his eyes broken. “Us surviving is what Clarke as always wanted for us. I know that and I think you do to”

Bellamy didn’t answer, just simply looked at her. His breaths were strong, echoing through the room. His exhaustion was radiating off him in waves. Tears were still falling from cheeks. He ran a hand through his hair before bringing them down and resting them on his eyes. He started to wheep. All of a sudden, as if his weight became to much, his knees buckled, and he came crashing to the floor. His screamed loudly, sobs escaping as well, sending a wave of sadness through the lab. Silence rain down on them all they all watch their friend, their leader, mourn for the other half of his soul.

This wasn’t how it was meant to be, Bellamy thought. They were meant to be together, find peace, in whatever form that would take, together. He hated himself for not letting those words from his lips. He couldn’t tell her he loved her, even when the world was ending. He wanted to wait for the perfect time’ The perfect time for the perfect girl but of course, with life on earth, there was never a perfect time each second was plague by war and pain.

He had never taken much thought about how he would die, his days passing with very few moments alone for his mind to wander and, when it did, it slipped into the darkness that always lay wait, like an animal hunting its prey. He often thought about giving in to it, the darkness, allowing to pass over him, leading him from life and towards whatever lay waiting on the other side. When he used to lay alone at night, just before he would drift off into a nightmare filled sleep, he thought about how easy it would be to simply take his life from himself, not giving the ground the satisfaction of taking it from him. He liked the idea, being in control of his final chose, however impossible it may seem to be for it would mean leaving Octavia, Murphy, Raven. It would mean leaving Clarke. 

When, one night, he was wandering the halls, trying to free his mind from the monsters that lay inside, he heard screaming coming from Clarke room. His feet took off before his mind was able to register what was happening. He swung open the door and their she sat, her breath heavy and rapid, sweat making her beautiful blonde hair stick to her forehead. As soon as he opened to door, their eyes connected and it was as if, just for a moment, he could see all that floated around in her mind, like he could see into her soul and into the eyes of the monsters that lived there.

“I’m sorry” she said, speaking as if the words were weighted in stone.

“Are you alright?” he whispered, not taking his eyes from hers.

“Yeah I’m fine, it was just a nightmare” she replied, taking in the room, taking in her reality.

“It’s alright, I get them as well” he stated as casually as he could. She looked back to him, her beautiful blue eyes burning his skin. They stayed like that for a moment, basking in the comforting silence and warming presence that surrounded them both. This was the first time Bellamy felt at peace, safe, like himself for a while. He gave Clarke a small smile, hoping that he would be able to fall into a dreamless sleep now it felt as if he could breathe again.

“Well, as long as you are alright” he spoke

“I’m fine” she replied. Bellamy had come to understand that Clarke was never ‘fine’ but he knew she would reach out to him when she was ready, whenever that day my rise.

“Okay, well, Goodnight Clarke” he whispered once more.

“Goodnight Bellamy” she said, slight sadness residing in her words.

He gave her a nothing small nod, before turning back to the door he had entered what seemed like eons ago.

“Wait!” Clarke spilled suddenly.

Bellamy whipped his head around, giving her a slightly confused look. A look that was filtered with concern as his eyes brown knotted slightly above his deep brown eyes.

“Will you stay with me?” she asked shyly, as if she was, for some reason, embarrassed by the words that had just escaped her lips.

Bellamy didn’t say anything for to many emotions were filtered around his mind to get anything straight. He just gave her a small and took steps towards her, before he was standing at the side of her bed. She moved across to the other side so that he would occupied the space she had just left. He sat down, pulling the covers over his feet and up to his waist, as Clarke snuggled into the small crook beneath his arm before laying her head on his chest. Her sent filled his lungs and her fingers dancing along the fabric of his t-shirt, nervously fiddling with it. A small smirk become on his lips, looking down at her fighting fingers. He draped his arm over her shoulder and pulled her closer to him.

Her warmth radiated through his skin and into his bones and, as they both lay there, silence filling the room, Bellamy started to dance on the line of sleep and consciousness. His mind wandering back to the notion of taking control of his death and right now, with Clarke in his arms, he wondered how that thought ever would float in his mind, even for a second. Everything seemed complete at that moment, death a seemingly distance thought but as they both lay, limbs tangled together, heart beats in sync, Bellamy gave death one last thought; When he is to die, whenever that may be, to die by her side would be such a heavenly way to die, laying just as they are now.

With that memory floating in his mind, that thought of dying with Clarke at the fore front of it, Bellamy felt Murphy’s drip tighten around his arm, pulling his upwards.

“Bellamy we have to go” Murphy pleaded.

“No!” Bellamy screamed in reply, fighting against Murphy, this time, however, Murphy was stopping without a fight, putting his arms under Bellamy’s arms, pulling him towards the ship. Bellamy started to wale, finding all strength he had inside of him.

“No! let me go! I’m not leaving her” he screamed, sobs falling on the silence between his words. “Please let me go!”

Although normally, Bellamy would beat down Murphy with one swing, Murphy was able to drag Bellamy across the ice-cold fall of Becca lab for he was exhausted. Even so, there were a few moments when he thought Bellamy may break free. He broken every inch of Murphy’s soul to do this.

As soon as they cross the line of the door, Raven started to close it. Murphy had slumped down against the ship, bring Bellamy down as well. He was leaning against Murphy’s chest, between his legs, clawing at he air in front of him, weeping uncontrollable but understandable.

Bellamy felt as he had nothing. He felt like someone had walked into his chest and ripped out his heart. He couldn’t feel anything, his whole body had turn numb as if the cold snow the lay on the ground outside was wrapped around him. He heard the alarms of the door closing fill his ears and, as they slowly started to close, he was if it was counting down the moment until she was really gone; As soon as the door touched that was it.

“Come on Clarke” he pleaded “I need you”

The door was a foot apart now, ready to rip Bellamy from his love, when he saw them; Those stunning blue ocean eyes. Clarke burst through the glass door that sat at the top of the lab, tripping over as she did.

“Clarke!” he screamed, trying to rip himself from Murphy’s strong grip.

She made her was down the step before sprinting towards the doors, each second getting closer together. It was is his world slowed down, each moment seemed as if a thousand lifetimes. Their eyes connected for less than a second. They were filled it fear and pain, and love. He opened his mouth to speak again, what he was going to say a mystery to even him as if his heart was working faster than his mind, but before he would filled the empty silence with his words, she was ripped from him once more, the door falling shut between them.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The final Chapter! THANK YOU FOR READING THIS STORY! This idea has been in my mind for ages, especially the part with the door shutting between them! I really hope you enjoy it!

As she ran through the woods, Clarke could only hear her heart beating in her ears, and the gently breeze dancing through the trees willing her on, offering her a sweet goodbye. Something about the moment she found herself in made Clarke feel somewhat safe, even with death inching ever closer to her, biting at her heels. Every step she made put that little bit more space between her, and the person she had become on the ground, the commander that controlled death but now it seemed like death would soon be taking her. She had come to realise, with every firm footstep she planted on the ground, that no matter the happens that will occur in the next few minutes, Clarke may finally find peace. It made her realise how little she seemed to be in the grand scheme of things, nothing truly was left to lose.

That wasn’t true of course, Clarke thought. The most she had to lose had shown it true colours in their final hours, the worlds finally leave her chapped lips, setting free from her heart, into the cold air. She imagined the look in his eyes, the window into his soul, seeing his longing to release his heart to her, the looked almost broken. Almost but not quite. She wondered why he had not told her as she knew he longed to, and that hearing those words would mean everything to Clarke. It would mean leaving this ground they had come to call their home, with a resemblance of the peace the searched for; Not hearing him say those words pulled at the strings holding her heart together. That was when it hit her.

She came to a sudden stop, as if she had run into some wall that she could not see. Her breath caught on her lips. She brought her hand up to her mouth, the air filtering through her fingers in the cold air. The reason he didn’t tell her then, the reason he allowed her to leave without hearing those sweet words fall into her mind, was because when the time came, like it had now, he knew she would fight through hell to return to him, to hear those 3 simple words that seemed so hard to say; When death is biting at her heels as she is now, Clarke would find that little bit of light inside of her to fend off the darkness.

Clarke removed her hand from her lips, the pulled up her sleeve, revelling a watch counting down the minutes until a wave of fire would engulf her. 10 minutes. She had 10 minutes. She pushed down her sleeve down and continued on, the love that lay waiting when she arrived willing her on.

She could see Becca’s lab in the distance, the modern exterior standing out against the nature that surrounded it. Clarke’s chest ache and she could feel the warmth building against her back. She burst through the door, slipping on her wet boots against the polished floor. She hit the floor with a thud, sending agonising pain through her knee, making her vison blur slightly.

She glanced up and, although she couldn’t make them out completely, they hadn’t left yet. Raven was standing near the control panel, she thought, on the other side of the rocket’s doors. Murphy was standing by the ship, pulling something into his chest. This thing seemed to be fighting with everything that consumed him and it wasn’t until her vison cleared did, she see those sticking eyes staring back her, stilling above a blanket of tears.

All of a sudden, like she once again was running into a wall, Clarke realised what was happening. The mechanical sounds filling the room, the doors pulling together slowly. She pulled herself up, pushing herself towards those three words, his beautiful eyes pulling her closer.

The doors were inch’s away from each other now and she could see Bellamy open his mouth to say something. She wondered if her was going to set her free, those three words allowing her to fall into that all-consuming peace. She longed for him to scream them at the top of his lungs, his words towering over the alarms of the doors separating them. She was a metre away however, and the doors fell shut, cutting of Bellamy voice ever reaching her.

She started to Bang at the door.

“No! Bellamy!” she screamed “Anyone! I’m here! Let me in!” she paused for a few seconds “Please!”

There was no use and as the alarms continued on her ears, a wave of grief washed over her in waves. The realisation that their story had ended this way hitting her like a ton of brick, forcing sobs to escape her lips.

“No” she whispered “Please Bellamy, I need you”

She rested her head against the doors, for a moment, her fingers gently tracing the cold surface. She turned her back to it, letting the grief slide her body down until she was sitting on the floor. Her legs were wrapped in her arms, before she left them go, exhaustion causing them to fall out flat in from on her. She felt as if she had been shot, her life slowly slipping out of her grasp.

She thought to Bellamy. His beautiful freckle filled skin and chocolate brown eyes and His laugh that was simply the most beautiful sound in the world. She closed her eyes for what could be the final time, the see his face before her time came to an end. She would never forget him, even if her life lasted a thousand year, his image would always be etched into her mind like a tragically beautiful gravestone. A smile appeared on her lips. He loved her. She knew it without needing to hear the words. In her lifetime Clarke had been loved by the most extraordinary person and that was enough for Clarke fall into whatever comes after life peacefully.

“I love you Bellamy Blake” she whispered gently, longing that someday those words may come to him when the stars fill the sky and monsters cloud his dreams and offer him the strength to carry on.

* * *

The door fell shut, leaving his head, his other half, trapped on the other side, facing death without him.

“It’s Clarke! Let go of me!”” he screamed before ripping himself from Murphy’s grasp.

He ran to the door, hitting it with a thud.

“Clarke! Can you hear me! Please say you can hear me!” each word he spoke, he hit the door with his fist, longing to break it down, longing the melt through it and fall into her arms. He turned to Raven quickly.

“Raven get the door open” he shouted.

She didn’t move.

“Raven get this door open now!” he screamed, his eyes wild and forehead dripping with sweat, merging with the tears cascading down his face.

“I can’t” she spoke coldly, like she was fighting the emotions the filtered in her mind.

“What?” he whispered in disbelief. He turned to look at her, keeping his fingertips on the door.

“I can’t open the door. Once it is closed that’s it” she paused for a moment, ripping her eyes from his “I’m so sorry Bellamy”

He looked around in disbelief before turning back the door, resting his forehead against it. He lift his head up slighting before returning it back to the cold surface. He did this a few times before starting the cry, as if a dam had exploded in his mind.

“She is so close and-” he whispered, reaching out to with his fingers “and she doesn’t know”

He slumped down the door, keeping his head against the cold metal.

“There must be something you can do?” Murphy pleaded “Even if we opened if for a second so we can pull her through?”

She abruptly pulled her eyes from the floor, and locked eyes with him, something dawning in her mind. She quickly turnned on her heels, tipping something on the key pad that lay there.

Bellamy still sat by the door, unaware of what was rising behind him, his head still hitting itself against it. He was weeping, only a few words escaping into the world.

“I love you” he whispered “I love you. I love you. I love you.” He repeated, as if they were the only thoughts occupying his mind.

A hand touched him on the shoulder, pulling him from the grief that occupied his mind. He instantly pulled away from it, fighting off the attempts to push him to safely.

“No! I can’t! This is all my fault! I shouldn’t have left her! I should have told her! I want to die! I want to die with her! Please let me do this!” he screamed, a broken shell of the man who was alive a few hours ago.

“No Bellamy, Raven had figured out the door, you need to move now!” he shouted as there was no time left. Any moment the death wave would arrive, taking all of them with it.

He didn’t say anything, suddenly jumping up ready to embrace the woman her loved. He wiped the tears from his eyes as the slowly inched open.

Her shinning blonde hair started to fall through the gaps and it wasn’t long until the rest of her started to tumble through as well. Bellamy quickly fell to his knees, allowing her body to fall into his arms, her sweet sent filling his lungs.

“Clarke?” he asked hesitantly.

Her eyes were closed, and Bellamy heart stopped.

“No. No. No. Clarke?” he asked again, moving the hair from her face, shaking her body slightly as he did.

It felt like time had stopped and, for a moment Bellamy thought it may never start again. The rest of his life would be this moment, this nightmare, of holding Clarkes lifeless body in his arms and not having any power to stop it.

That moment did end however as Clarke blue eyes flickered open.

“Bellamy?” she croaked.

He let out a belated laugh. “Hey”

“Hey” she replied softly.

“I love you” he confessed abruptly, not wanting to wait any longer for his love for her to be released into the world.

She simply looked at him for a moment, taking in him as he is right now, longing to remember this moment for as long as there was air in her lungs and his image etched in his mind.

She pulled herself up towards him, closing her eyes and placing a soft kiss onto his lips. Nothing about his moment was normal. She could feel his tear wet on his cheeks and a wave of fire came ever closer with each passing moment but to Clarke it was perfect, that wave of safely once again washing over her but she wondering if this time it would stay for good as she lay in Bellamy’s arms once more, where she was meant to be. 

She pulled away, their eyes locking once he had too opened his eyes.

“I know” she whispered to him, simply; Honestly.

Silence filled the room for a moment, both basking each other’s presence.

“Not to put a damper on the mood lovebirds, but we have somewhere we need to be” Murphy spoke as casually as one could when the end of the world was minutes away.

They all quickly hurried up the ladder to the ship. First Raven, then Murphy.

“After you Princess” Bellamy joked, with warmth around it, however.

Clarke gave him a small nod, before walking up the steps and taking her seat in the ship. Bellamy soon followed and it wasn’t long until the fire lit beneath them and the whole worlds started to shake causing her to jump.

Bellamy took Clarkes hand in his. Her mind wandered back to the night in the field underneath the stars, dancing with the wind and the sensation that filled her soul when Bellamy took her in his arms. Looking down at their interlocked fingers she knew that every instant from this moment onwards would make her feel they was she did then. No matter the darkness that surrounded her, or the monsters that chased her in her sleep she knew that he would always be there, whispering his love for her in her ear. She turned to him, giving him a smile of application for every moment of their time together.

The rocket took off, sending Clarke surroundings into a world of chaos as they headed towards years of isolation in the place that she used to call her home but wonder if it truly mattered. She was consumed by her love for the man beside her, and now she knew he felt the same, everything seemed to be falling into place.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I may write a quick little epilogue of them on the ark and how their life merge together you know? Let me know if that is something you would want!! Thank you again!!!

**Author's Note:**

> LET ME KNOW IF YOU WANT ME TO CARRY ON WRITING THIS STORY!


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